The tooth fairy

The tooth fairy is a much debated subject in our house. The believers fall into two categories: those who are willing to believe for the benefits (read: cash) and those who are still innocent enough to believe. My latest tooth fairy experiences have been memorable, to say the least. They have also taught me how lame I am when it comes to this kind of thing.

About a week ago, Luc lost a tooth. I had no cash on hand to speak of. All of the other kids were broke, too, so there was no piggy bank I could raid overnight to replenish the next day while they were at school. Sounds terrible, I know. The other part of my dilemma was that he lost it at 10:30 at night! (It was fall break, so the kids were up late) Who loses a tooth that late at night while the tooth fairy's proverbial pants are down?! Um, my kids. So, running out to get cash was not an option.

I cruised downstairs and logged on to Pinterest. I thought there HAS to be a toothfairy I.O.U printable on there. There wasn't. I looked for almost an hour, through image after image of toothfairy kits, doors, pillows, and everything else you can imagine to prepare oneself for the arrival of the little mythical creature. I was pondering this the next day when it occurred to me: The reason there is no I.O.U. is because only retarded parents would do that to their kid. And none of them are willing to go brag about it or least of all publish their idea on being a loser to Pinterest.

That was unfortunately after I had already taken the desperate measure of making a little I.O.U.

But, knowing your audience also helps, and Luc woke up the next morning, thrilled as could be, waving his I.O.U. in my face. The tooth fairy told him he could go to the store with me and that I would buy him whatever his heart desired for two bucks. Ha! He was satisfied and that's all that really matters, right?

Now we come to Kaylin's experience. She falls into the first group of believers in our household. She lost two teeth in the last week. I kinda had the notion Glen would be putting the money under her pillow and forgot about it. Each morning she would say, 'there's still two teeth under my pillow.' OOPS! Part of the reason we still go through this charade-even though she's 11- is that it helps those in the second group of believers to believe.

So I got some cash out yesterday to make the necessary payoffs. Glen took care of it last night and she ended up with 3 dollars. I would have put 4, because I tell them at our house the tooth fairy pays 2 per tooth and front teeth (the real trophy prizes) get 5 each. I came to this conclusion after Jacob came home during his Kindergarten year and told me that kids in his class got 5 and 10 dollars per tooth! Yeah, the tooth fairy just isn't going to shell out that much at our house. Even the going rate seems steep to me. I digress. Kaylin comes downstairs with her 3 dollars and sings her sad song about how the book she wants at the bookfair is 4 dollars, not 3 (another reason I was going to put 4 in there) and she caught her dad's heartstrings enough that he asked me if I had another dollar. While she was outside taking care of feeding the dog he slipped another dollar in her pile of bills. She continued to lament later on about being a dollar short and I started asking: Did you count your money? Yes. How much was there? 3 dollars. When did you count it? Just now. Are you sure? Yes, I've counted it over and over. See, (starts counting) one, two, three, fo- HEY! There's four dollars! (I laugh inwardly) Then I go to fix myself breakfast, and Kaylin just as quickly convinces herself that she has WILLED herself to duplicate the money and create the fourth dollar bill. She begins counting loudly and shouting "DUPLICATE!" as she tosses the bills in the air. Then the other kids join in on envisioning their wildest fantasies coming true if Kaylin could just continue her miraculous duplication efforts.

Kids are great. Sometimes I miss the fantasy land-that-was in my school-aged brain, but now I get to help create it for someone else.